Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
