you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We are two peas in an std pod
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
