So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
