you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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