the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
