If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
