sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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