I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
