she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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