you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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