i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
