He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
