at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
