Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
