Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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