I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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