I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
