atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
