Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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