And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
