I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
