My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
