I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize