do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
