Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
