He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
