How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
