Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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