I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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