Even the bartender felt bad for me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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