i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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