Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
