Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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