dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
