She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
