I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
