I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
