What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
