i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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