watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
