She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
