in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Randomize
