She's JV to your varsity
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
