yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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