He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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