Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
