what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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