I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
