I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
