I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize