i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
