I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
