just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
