I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
