I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
