well most of my day revolves around power hour
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
