Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
