yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
