3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wear drunk well.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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