Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
