at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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