so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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