remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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