Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
