I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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