: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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