i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
