just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
