Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
