I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
